Stacie Bingham, CD(DONA), LCCE
These are my sad stones. I found them at the beach one day,
when I felt the need to venture away from my home and my problems and spend
time collecting my thoughts and just feeling free for a while. I had been
crying daily, hit by a sadness I couldn’t even explain. It was a terrible time
for me, and while I knew I should reach out to a professional for help,
everything just felt too overwhelming. With a family of busy children, a
nursing baby, and all that was expected of me, I couldn’t fathom finding
someone to call from a random list of names, figuring out if my insurance would
cover expenses, and taking the time to travel and sit with a therapist, pouring
out my sadness…which I already didn’t have the energy to engage. There was just
too much I already had to do, and I didn’t have the resources within me to do
this for myself.
When I trained as a doula, many years before I ever
experienced a perinatal mood disorder, I learned depression in pregnancy is
more common than postpartum depression. This surprised me, and it took many
years before I heard Birdie Gunyon Meyer, RN, MA, CLC, give the exact numbers:
one in five women experience depression while pregnant, and one in seven
experience postpartum depression. Dads can be affected as well – one in ten
will experience depression before or after their child is born.
In my childbirth classes I often share we have ideas about
how life will be after our baby is born. I liken it to a wall of decorative
boxes where we have our existing activities and priorities. We expect to
contain our new baby in the space we have carved out for him or her. The
reality sets in, though, and suddenly we see that “baby space” has exploded, baby
puke all over the other boxes – everything smells faintly of sour milk, and
we wonder, “Could this be right?” 
Up to 80% of women experience Baby Blues. This is a week of
very strong emotions, tears, frustration, as we move into the role of being
mothers. It is not supposed to last longer than two weeks – at that point, it
is possible we have moved into a postpartum mood disorder. What can be
confusing, though, is we often tell women to watch out for “depression,” for
crying all the time, sadness, not getting out of bed, etc. We don’t often warn
women there are other signs of something going on inside, and it may not look
anything like depression.
Pregnancy and birth is a time when hormones affect almost
everything related to growing, having, and feeding a baby. Hormones affect our
bodies, and they can also affect our minds. It makes sense to have emotional
changes related to becoming a parent – as our bodies are prepared to grow,
birth, and feed our new ones, emotional changes can help us prepare in other
ways. There is a saying – worry is the work of pregnancy. Indeed, worrying can
move us to action. If we are worried about birth, we can take a childbirth
class or hire a doula. If we worry about how our babies will stay warm, we can
gather clothes, blankets, a safe place for sleep, etc. Worry can help us be
ready.
Many mood disorders are normal feelings that are working
overtime. This is where anxiety, panic, or obsessive-compulsive thoughts and
actions can appear. That doesn’t always come with crying all day or feeling
sad. This can look like worrying something is wrong with your baby; needing to
check on your baby while he or she is sleeping, counting baby’s breaths or heartrate,
taking baby’s temperature; feeling overwhelmed about all the baby gear you must
bring with you to leave the house and choosing, instead, to stay home. When
these habits or behaviors interfere with the pastimes you used to enjoy, activities
with friends and family, or needed tasks such as grocery shopping, it may be
time to let your doctor know and ask for support.
Recently, because this is such a tender topic for me, I have
set up a Postpartum Support International chapter for Kern County. PSI is an
organization that provides resources for families dealing with mood disorders
related to pregnancy and having a baby. Families can call for resources –
therapists and groups that can help. They can call for information about mood
disorders. They can also call just to talk to someone when they are feeling
they need immediate support. If you are a professional who works with mothers
and families dealing with perinatal mood disorders, please connect with me so
you can be listed within the resource network of PSI of Kern County.
On PSI’s website it says this: “You are not alone. You are
not to blame. With help, you will be well.” Reading this statement continues to
bring tears to my eyes. It is valuable! We aren’t
alone in this. We are not to be
blamed. And we can, with help, be
well.
I keep my sad stones in my kitchen window, to remember that
time. As I picked each one up off the sand, they felt like heavy weights adding
to my emotional burden. I held them, wet and cold, and wondered, how will I ever get past the thick fog of
confusion that has settled around my brain? I did, though, with help and
with patience, to emerge feeling healthy and well on the other side.
I can look at them now for what they are – rocks. They are
smooth to the touch, with tiny holes bored in them by sea creatures. Just rocks
– nothing more, nothing less. But I remember, also, I was dealing with a real
illness, and I don’t want to face that again. They remind me that if I end up
there again, there is hope and there is help. And I don’t have to suffer alone.
PSI FAQ: http://www.postpartum.net/learn-more/frequently-asked-questions/
